Grace-Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel

These may not be interesting book notes to you, but I feel that my family needs to hear this message on how to be better parents and better followers of Christ. If you find yourself in this situation, then read on. If you are not a parent, these guidelines may help you in dealing with a spouse, coworker, employee, etc.

Grace-Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel

0-8499-1803-0
If you don't read the rest of the book you can read these on discipline and encouragement - pages 221-225

32. We need to raise strong kids in a grace-based environment, not shelter them from everything to keep them safe.
33. We don’t need Pharisees, but parents who guide their children onto straight paths.
It’s like fishing – put on the hook something they like to eat, not what you like. What you like in church and what they like may be different. Teens, especially, may want to worship in a different way. It is fine as long as it is Biblical and respectful to God.
40. Grace-based does not mean children “get out of responsibility free”. Christ paid the ultimate sacrifice. He took on way more responsibility than we ever will. Leave your cares on Jesus. Embrace truth, not legalism.
“For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present ages, while we wait for the blessed hope – the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good”. Titus 2:11-14
self-controlled, upright and godly lives
a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good
41. Look to Jesus as your lighthouse
52. ”Love is the commitment of my will
to your needs and best interests
regardless of the cost”.

Parents have to do what is best for their children. Sometimes it costs us our own opinions, stereotypes, prejudices, and convenience.

66. Parents make mistakes. Ask God to forgive you. Ask your children to forgive you.
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms”. I Peter 4:8-10.

112. Groom your children according to their natural bents. Encourage your child’s natural and unique gifts and skills. Help them develop them into assets they can use as adults.
Develop your own skills and talents. How did you develop these? Guide your children to develop theirs. Even if you hate art museums (or sports, or cars, etc.), if your child is into art, go anyway to show that their interests are of intrinsic value.

120. The disciples didn’t practice “safe Christianity”. Let your child explore their own faith. They may get hurt at times. Be there to guide them.
124. Teach your children how to fail and get on with life. Both victories and defeats can eventually be turned into accomplishments. Turn their abilities into assets.

129. Listen to your children. Acknowledge their fears. Pray with them.

134. “Grace-based families are homes where children are given”
a. The freedom to be different
b. The freedom to be vunerable
c. The freedom to be candid
d. The freedom to make mistakes

157. Set reasonable boundaries, Bible based, for your children and be prepared to explain them.

172. Base parenting decisions on truth and fact. Be sensitive to your children’s vulnerabilities.

*185. Be truthful and honest BUT use candor. Candor is a way of communicating freely without prejudice or malice. Frame the truth in a way that does not hurt people. Be honorable in your truth, using a careful forthrightness that guards the other person’s dignity.

193. Ephesians 4:14-15:
Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.

195. Parents are in charge. They have the ultimate say. Listen to the children’s opinions, however. Let them voice their thoughts and fears. Don’t jump to conclusions. In Matthew 26:39 Jesus is dying on the cross and asking His Father if there are any other possibilities. Even Jesus wondered at times about His Father’s decisions, but ultimately He knew it was the best and only path.
We want an authentic relationship at the heart level with our children.

202. Moses practices intercessory prayer in Exodus 32:11-13. Pray for your children. Ask God to forgive them and lead you to lead them in God’s will.

203. Colossians 4:6
Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

204. Ephesians 4:25-32 selections
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen…be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

209. Let children have their “beefs”. Maybe you should bend or break the parenting rules sometimes if it is a reasonable gripe.

213. Grace-based parents realize that their children need security in their hearst, significance in their lives,and strength for the future.

214. Romans 5-8 . We are forgiven by God and should be forgiving in our parenting decisions, but grace is not easy. It is at the price of following God. Pleasing God puts us on a narrow path, but it is a joyous path to follow, knowing we are in the will of God. Take your power for living from God’s love. Then you can give unbounded love to your children. Staying in God’s will will keep both you and them from sin in the first place.

*216. Grace-based children are accepted as sinners who desire to become more like Christ rather than be seen s nice Christian kids trying to maintain a good moral code.

221. When children misbehave: 1. evaluate, 2. discuss, 3. make consequences
222. I love you too much to let you continue in this pattern and grow up with this bad behavior, so I am stopping you from doing it.

What's on My Desk December 2008

Little Mermaid Ariel's Beginning by Kristen Depken. Children's Fiction, ages 4-7. DONE.
It is Ariel. Nothing particularly memorable here.

Franklin's Thanksgiving by Paulette Bourgeois and Brenda Clark. Children's Fiction, ages 3-6. DONE.

The turtle's family and friends gather for a meal. Cute. Homey.

Wonder Pets! Save the Bengal Tiger! by Billy Lopez and Cassandra Berger. Children's Fiction, ages 3-6. DONE.

This has the same plot as every Wonder Pets episode, so if you like the show you will like this book. I wonder why the Wonder Pets board book that I read did not use rhyming couplets, but this paperback did?

Mona in the Promised Land by Gish Jen. Adult Fiction. DONE.

Part of the Jewish book discussion series entitled "Neighbors". A Chinese American grows up surrounded by Jewish Americans in New York State during the flower child era. Is she Chinese? Is she American? Is she Jewish? Is she an rebel? Or is she just Mona, redefining who she is each day, like all the rest of us did at age 15-17.

Here are some quotes from the book. I noted the ones that have the parents pushing their daughters to go to Ivy League schools since they reminded me of conversations that I have heard in my own family. Both of our families have the American dream of a better life for our children through education. In our discussion the leader mentioned that Mona's parents are the subject of another book (Typical American) that describes what happened before this book as the parents become Americanized.

page 100:

[The elder daughter, Callie, has already been accepted into Radcliffe (Harvard) and the parents are pushing the younger daughter, Mona, to excel in school].

"Better and worse, number one and number two, more loved and less. Even now, when they come home, Helen will prepare a dish and say, For you I cooked shrimp and peas, your favorite, whether it is your favorite or not. Indeed, whether you have a favorite or not. For you must have a favorite; if you do not, she will simply pick one for you, because this is the sort of fact they live by. And to understand how Callie got into all those college, you would have to understand how this sort of fact has kept her running the steeplechase all her life. I earn my keep, she said to Mona once. The unmouthed part of the sentence being, Unlike you. And these days, Mona can see better how Callie felt. For now Mona's been signed up for the family project too. After all, one generation is supposed to build on the last, ascending and ascending like the steps of a baby bamboo shoot; and how nice indeed for the parents to be able to say, "The girls go to Harvard"! Mona realizes this herself, the misty elegance of the sound - it lingers in the air like something out of a perfume spritzer".

page 231

"Also she tells him (by way of switching the subject) what it's like to be not Wasp, and not black, and not as Jewish as Jewish can be; and not from Chinatown, either.

'You are a sore thumb, " says Sherman. 'Sticking out by yourself.'

She says, 'I'm never at home.'

He says he knows how she feels; he's in the same ship. She tells him about her family. The fights. And Harvard, Harvard, Harvard! Of course, Barbara Gugelstein's parents want her to go to Harvard too.

'But for my parents, it's the whole point of life, ' she says. 'Jews believe in the here and now; Catholics believe in heaven; the Chinese believe in the next generation.'

'You are their everything.'

'Exactly!' When Mona was a child that was okay, she says, but now that she's older and has a mind of her own, she doesn't want to be their everything anymore.

Sherman knows what she means. He talks about how things are in Japan - about education mamas. The competition. The pressure. Examination hell really is hell.

'Jeez," Mona says, 'it must be great not to be Japanese anymore.'

'I'm Hawaiian now, ' Sherman says - agreeing, but with a disconcerted note in his voice, as if he had almost forgotten this himself".

Alchemyst: The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel by Michael Scott. YA Fiction. DONE.

For some reason I thought this was tied into Harry Potter. Wasn't there some kind of Flamel in Harry Potter? Anyway, this is a decent book although it has nothing to do with Harry. It would appeal to the same audience - ages 9-adult fantasy readers. This book never mentions anything about Harry, but Wikipedia indicates that they are related. I think they must both refer to old legends.

This is the first of a trilogy or more books about two teenagers and a long lived sorcerer and his wife that battle supernatural forces that try to take over the regular human world. The author ties in some historical figures in a fictionalized way as well as legends from European traditions.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Harry_Potter_characters

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicolas_Flamel#In_popular_culture

Grace-Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel. Adult nonfiction. DONE.

I think this book was written in response to the Boundaries series and Dr. Dobson's Dare to Discipline teachings. He wanted to show that parenting is more than rules and boundaries, but LOVE as Jesus, and John (from the Gospel of John) would preach. He does not dismiss boundaries or discipline, but admonishes the reader to use these with love and mercy. Don't be a Pharisee!

I Spy Shapes with Boz by Christine Harder Tangvald. Board book. Ages 2-3. DONE.

So far I have read a few Boz books and watched two Boz videos. This is being promoted on the MOPS email list and in Christian bookstores, but Boz is kind of boring. He is no Barney or VeggieTales character. This book is okay at showing shapes in everyday life, but not extraordinary.

Barkus, Sly and the Golden Egg by Angela McAllister and Sally Anne Lambert. Children's Fiction. Preschool-2nd grade. DONE.

This had a good plot but I stumbled over reading some names and words. It seemed like the characters had names with lots of consonents. The use of language was "British-y". I always give extra points for maps in the front and back of the book. If you want to read this aloud, practice some of the words first.

Walt Disney's Lady and the Tramp Jr. Cine-Manga. Children's Fiction. DONE.

This simplified plot from the movie has good images and is very easy to read. It could be used with literacy classes. It is interesting marketing to list this as "Cine-Manga" rather than just call it a children's paperback picture book.

Clifford's Pals by Norman Bridwell. Children's Fiction. Grades k-2. DONE.

Clifford gets in a lot of trouble at a construction site. He learns not to do this again.

Dayton Arcade: Crown Jewel of the Gem City by Curt Dalton. Adult nonfiction. DONE.

This colorful book has photographs, newspaper clippings, other images, and recollections from those who remember the Arcade.