Grace-Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel

These may not be interesting book notes to you, but I feel that my family needs to hear this message on how to be better parents and better followers of Christ. If you find yourself in this situation, then read on. If you are not a parent, these guidelines may help you in dealing with a spouse, coworker, employee, etc.

Grace-Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel

0-8499-1803-0
If you don't read the rest of the book you can read these on discipline and encouragement - pages 221-225

32. We need to raise strong kids in a grace-based environment, not shelter them from everything to keep them safe.
33. We don’t need Pharisees, but parents who guide their children onto straight paths.
It’s like fishing – put on the hook something they like to eat, not what you like. What you like in church and what they like may be different. Teens, especially, may want to worship in a different way. It is fine as long as it is Biblical and respectful to God.
40. Grace-based does not mean children “get out of responsibility free”. Christ paid the ultimate sacrifice. He took on way more responsibility than we ever will. Leave your cares on Jesus. Embrace truth, not legalism.
“For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present ages, while we wait for the blessed hope – the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good”. Titus 2:11-14
self-controlled, upright and godly lives
a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good
41. Look to Jesus as your lighthouse
52. ”Love is the commitment of my will
to your needs and best interests
regardless of the cost”.

Parents have to do what is best for their children. Sometimes it costs us our own opinions, stereotypes, prejudices, and convenience.

66. Parents make mistakes. Ask God to forgive you. Ask your children to forgive you.
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms”. I Peter 4:8-10.

112. Groom your children according to their natural bents. Encourage your child’s natural and unique gifts and skills. Help them develop them into assets they can use as adults.
Develop your own skills and talents. How did you develop these? Guide your children to develop theirs. Even if you hate art museums (or sports, or cars, etc.), if your child is into art, go anyway to show that their interests are of intrinsic value.

120. The disciples didn’t practice “safe Christianity”. Let your child explore their own faith. They may get hurt at times. Be there to guide them.
124. Teach your children how to fail and get on with life. Both victories and defeats can eventually be turned into accomplishments. Turn their abilities into assets.

129. Listen to your children. Acknowledge their fears. Pray with them.

134. “Grace-based families are homes where children are given”
a. The freedom to be different
b. The freedom to be vunerable
c. The freedom to be candid
d. The freedom to make mistakes

157. Set reasonable boundaries, Bible based, for your children and be prepared to explain them.

172. Base parenting decisions on truth and fact. Be sensitive to your children’s vulnerabilities.

*185. Be truthful and honest BUT use candor. Candor is a way of communicating freely without prejudice or malice. Frame the truth in a way that does not hurt people. Be honorable in your truth, using a careful forthrightness that guards the other person’s dignity.

193. Ephesians 4:14-15:
Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.

195. Parents are in charge. They have the ultimate say. Listen to the children’s opinions, however. Let them voice their thoughts and fears. Don’t jump to conclusions. In Matthew 26:39 Jesus is dying on the cross and asking His Father if there are any other possibilities. Even Jesus wondered at times about His Father’s decisions, but ultimately He knew it was the best and only path.
We want an authentic relationship at the heart level with our children.

202. Moses practices intercessory prayer in Exodus 32:11-13. Pray for your children. Ask God to forgive them and lead you to lead them in God’s will.

203. Colossians 4:6
Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

204. Ephesians 4:25-32 selections
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen…be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

209. Let children have their “beefs”. Maybe you should bend or break the parenting rules sometimes if it is a reasonable gripe.

213. Grace-based parents realize that their children need security in their hearst, significance in their lives,and strength for the future.

214. Romans 5-8 . We are forgiven by God and should be forgiving in our parenting decisions, but grace is not easy. It is at the price of following God. Pleasing God puts us on a narrow path, but it is a joyous path to follow, knowing we are in the will of God. Take your power for living from God’s love. Then you can give unbounded love to your children. Staying in God’s will will keep both you and them from sin in the first place.

*216. Grace-based children are accepted as sinners who desire to become more like Christ rather than be seen s nice Christian kids trying to maintain a good moral code.

221. When children misbehave: 1. evaluate, 2. discuss, 3. make consequences
222. I love you too much to let you continue in this pattern and grow up with this bad behavior, so I am stopping you from doing it.

What's on My Desk December 2008

Little Mermaid Ariel's Beginning by Kristen Depken. Children's Fiction, ages 4-7. DONE.
It is Ariel. Nothing particularly memorable here.

Franklin's Thanksgiving by Paulette Bourgeois and Brenda Clark. Children's Fiction, ages 3-6. DONE.

The turtle's family and friends gather for a meal. Cute. Homey.

Wonder Pets! Save the Bengal Tiger! by Billy Lopez and Cassandra Berger. Children's Fiction, ages 3-6. DONE.

This has the same plot as every Wonder Pets episode, so if you like the show you will like this book. I wonder why the Wonder Pets board book that I read did not use rhyming couplets, but this paperback did?

Mona in the Promised Land by Gish Jen. Adult Fiction. DONE.

Part of the Jewish book discussion series entitled "Neighbors". A Chinese American grows up surrounded by Jewish Americans in New York State during the flower child era. Is she Chinese? Is she American? Is she Jewish? Is she an rebel? Or is she just Mona, redefining who she is each day, like all the rest of us did at age 15-17.

Here are some quotes from the book. I noted the ones that have the parents pushing their daughters to go to Ivy League schools since they reminded me of conversations that I have heard in my own family. Both of our families have the American dream of a better life for our children through education. In our discussion the leader mentioned that Mona's parents are the subject of another book (Typical American) that describes what happened before this book as the parents become Americanized.

page 100:

[The elder daughter, Callie, has already been accepted into Radcliffe (Harvard) and the parents are pushing the younger daughter, Mona, to excel in school].

"Better and worse, number one and number two, more loved and less. Even now, when they come home, Helen will prepare a dish and say, For you I cooked shrimp and peas, your favorite, whether it is your favorite or not. Indeed, whether you have a favorite or not. For you must have a favorite; if you do not, she will simply pick one for you, because this is the sort of fact they live by. And to understand how Callie got into all those college, you would have to understand how this sort of fact has kept her running the steeplechase all her life. I earn my keep, she said to Mona once. The unmouthed part of the sentence being, Unlike you. And these days, Mona can see better how Callie felt. For now Mona's been signed up for the family project too. After all, one generation is supposed to build on the last, ascending and ascending like the steps of a baby bamboo shoot; and how nice indeed for the parents to be able to say, "The girls go to Harvard"! Mona realizes this herself, the misty elegance of the sound - it lingers in the air like something out of a perfume spritzer".

page 231

"Also she tells him (by way of switching the subject) what it's like to be not Wasp, and not black, and not as Jewish as Jewish can be; and not from Chinatown, either.

'You are a sore thumb, " says Sherman. 'Sticking out by yourself.'

She says, 'I'm never at home.'

He says he knows how she feels; he's in the same ship. She tells him about her family. The fights. And Harvard, Harvard, Harvard! Of course, Barbara Gugelstein's parents want her to go to Harvard too.

'But for my parents, it's the whole point of life, ' she says. 'Jews believe in the here and now; Catholics believe in heaven; the Chinese believe in the next generation.'

'You are their everything.'

'Exactly!' When Mona was a child that was okay, she says, but now that she's older and has a mind of her own, she doesn't want to be their everything anymore.

Sherman knows what she means. He talks about how things are in Japan - about education mamas. The competition. The pressure. Examination hell really is hell.

'Jeez," Mona says, 'it must be great not to be Japanese anymore.'

'I'm Hawaiian now, ' Sherman says - agreeing, but with a disconcerted note in his voice, as if he had almost forgotten this himself".

Alchemyst: The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel by Michael Scott. YA Fiction. DONE.

For some reason I thought this was tied into Harry Potter. Wasn't there some kind of Flamel in Harry Potter? Anyway, this is a decent book although it has nothing to do with Harry. It would appeal to the same audience - ages 9-adult fantasy readers. This book never mentions anything about Harry, but Wikipedia indicates that they are related. I think they must both refer to old legends.

This is the first of a trilogy or more books about two teenagers and a long lived sorcerer and his wife that battle supernatural forces that try to take over the regular human world. The author ties in some historical figures in a fictionalized way as well as legends from European traditions.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Harry_Potter_characters

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicolas_Flamel#In_popular_culture

Grace-Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel. Adult nonfiction. DONE.

I think this book was written in response to the Boundaries series and Dr. Dobson's Dare to Discipline teachings. He wanted to show that parenting is more than rules and boundaries, but LOVE as Jesus, and John (from the Gospel of John) would preach. He does not dismiss boundaries or discipline, but admonishes the reader to use these with love and mercy. Don't be a Pharisee!

I Spy Shapes with Boz by Christine Harder Tangvald. Board book. Ages 2-3. DONE.

So far I have read a few Boz books and watched two Boz videos. This is being promoted on the MOPS email list and in Christian bookstores, but Boz is kind of boring. He is no Barney or VeggieTales character. This book is okay at showing shapes in everyday life, but not extraordinary.

Barkus, Sly and the Golden Egg by Angela McAllister and Sally Anne Lambert. Children's Fiction. Preschool-2nd grade. DONE.

This had a good plot but I stumbled over reading some names and words. It seemed like the characters had names with lots of consonents. The use of language was "British-y". I always give extra points for maps in the front and back of the book. If you want to read this aloud, practice some of the words first.

Walt Disney's Lady and the Tramp Jr. Cine-Manga. Children's Fiction. DONE.

This simplified plot from the movie has good images and is very easy to read. It could be used with literacy classes. It is interesting marketing to list this as "Cine-Manga" rather than just call it a children's paperback picture book.

Clifford's Pals by Norman Bridwell. Children's Fiction. Grades k-2. DONE.

Clifford gets in a lot of trouble at a construction site. He learns not to do this again.

Dayton Arcade: Crown Jewel of the Gem City by Curt Dalton. Adult nonfiction. DONE.

This colorful book has photographs, newspaper clippings, other images, and recollections from those who remember the Arcade.

Oral History at Dayton Art Institute

This is a recording from the Dayton Art Institute "A Grand Day at the Museum", 23 November 2008.

testing audio recording

I was trying out the digital recorder that we may use for an oral history project. See if you can hear the poem.

What's on My Desk November 2008

Wheels and Axles to the Rescue by Sharon Thales. Children's Nonfiction Grades K-3. DONE.
I hadn't thought about wheels and axles in a few years, so my knowledge was pretty rusty. I don't know that I remember all the science in this physics book, but the pictures were good.

Inside, Outside, Upside Down by Stan and Jan Berenstain. Children's Fiction ages 2-3. DONE.

This very simple and funny book shows the meaning of these words: inside, outside, upside down, right side up, off, and on.

Cookie's Week by Cindy Ward and Tomie dePaola. Children's Fiction ages 3-6. DONE.
This is a funny, silly book showing things what went wrong in Cookie the Cat's week. We have all had one of those weeks! The ending is just right. I don't know of anyone who would not get a chuckle out of this book. I don't buy very many books, maybe four a year (some of which are used), but am tempted to buy this for someone I know who has a black and white cat named Cookie.

Clifford Goes to Dog School by Norman Bridwell. Children's Fiction ages K-3. DONE.
I think we have all heard of Clifford the Big Red Dog and this is another hit in the Clifford series. My audience asked for more Clifford books.

Assistant by Bernard Malamud. Adult Fiction. DONE.
I am reading this for a Jewish literature book discussion. This is the first in the series that was originally published in English and is set in America. In my estimation, this book is WAY easier to read than the others we have read so far for this reason.

Here are some examples of library scenes. Two of the characters use the library extensively.

page 59:

"Ida said he ought to take some time off, but he answered that he had nowhere special to go and stayed in the back, reading the Daily News on the couch, or flipping through some magazines that he had got out of the public library, which he had discovered during one of his solitary walks in the neighborhood".

page 93:

"Frank, dressed in his new clothes, hurried to the library, about a dozen blocks from the grocery. The library was an enlarged store, well lit, with bulging shelves of books that smelled warm on winter nights...It was a pleasant place to come to...". Then the characters read books and magazines and quietly talk, using it as a gathering place.

page 104:

"Even at her loneliest she liked being among books" and more.

page 106:
Back to the library for books.

"To help him prepare for college Helen said he ought to read some good novels, some of the great ones." They get them at the library.

page 114:

They go to the library again.

page 134:
Stereotypical librarian:

"Frank went every third night to the library and there she was. But when the old-maid librarian smiled knowingly upon them, Helen felt embarassed, so they went elsewhere". The librarian lives vicariously.

Good library public relations: poor man uses public library for education and entertainment.

This 1957 book would make a good "compare and contrast" to 2008 book The Beautiful Things that Heaven Bears, which also features a poor grocery store employee disillusioned by the American dream and lusting after a woman he knows he shouldn't have.

Dora Saves the Snow Princess by Phoebe Beinstein and Dave Aikins. Children's Fiction grades 1 -3. DONE.

This features the Dora the Explorer character from television. It reads like a classic fairy tale until we find that Dora was reading a story, then she has to jump into the book to rescue the Snow Princess. The plot then becomes a standard Dora plot - follow the instructions and map to get to the end. There is some interaction with the readers "Now flap your arms like a bird". I was a little confused, but my audience wasn't since the book was set up like one of the television episodes.

Wonder Pets Save the Dinosaur by Josh Selig. Children's Fiction ages 2-4. DONE.

This features Linny, Tuck, and Ming Ming, too from the television show. The plot was so simple it seemed like it was missing something, but it gave an excuse to sing the Wonder Pets theme song about rescuing animals in trouble.

Key to Rondo by Emily Rodda. YA Fiction, ages 10 and up., fantasy. DONE.

Cousins are drawn into the world inside their family music box when their dog is seized by the Blue Queen who rules Rondo, the music box land. This is highly imaginative, and I find that I relate to the less adventurous cousin who didn't want to go on this adventure. I would recommend this fantasy book to audiences from 10 to adult.

Trucktown Smash! Crash! by Jon Scieszka, David Shannon, Loren Long, and David Gordon. Children's Fiction ages 2-6. DONE.

Jack and Dan are two mischieveous trucks that like to smash and crash. They do find an outlet for this energy, but I don't like that they never said they were sorry to those they bothered.

Clifford Visits the Hospital by Norman Bridwell. Children's Fiction ages 4-6. DONE.

Clifford sure is a cute puppy. Even though he isn't supposed to visit the hospital and causes some trouble, everyone ends up smiling in the end because he is just so lovable.

Apples by Gail Gibbons. Children's Nonfiction. Grades 1-3. DONE.

This is a boring book that would be good for report writing, but not very interesting for casual reading. It is very straightforward and factual. The painted pictures are much better than the text.

Tough Trucks by Tony Mitton and Ant Parker. Children's Fiction. Preschool. DONE.

Happy animals show us the kind of trucks that they drive and features of each kind of truck. There is a brief glossary and picture in the back telling us the parts of the truck.

Squanto and the Miracle of Thanksgiving by Eric Metaxas and Shannon Stirnweis. Children's Nonfiction grades 3-6. DONE.

Here's a good title

I have not read this book, yet, but I think it is a good title. This is much better than some one-word-titled book like "Ghost" or "Cars" or "Malice".

Cross country : fifteen years and ninety thousand miles on the roads and interstates of America with Lewis and Clark, a lot of bad motels, a moving van, Emily Post, Jack Kerouac, my wife, my mother-in law, two kids, and enough coffee to kill an elephant by Robert Sullivan.

I don't need to describe it here because the author has already done so.

Shmoo!

The Short Life and Happy Times of the Shmoo by Al Capp. Adult nonfiction. DONE.
This book examines the life of the Shmoo as reported in Li'l Abner in 1948 and 1959.

http://www.al-capp-lil-abner.com/

http://www.deniskitchen.com/docs/new_shmoofacts.html

I had no idea about the Shmoo of the 1940's and 1950's. My acquaintance with the Shmoo was watching Hanna Barbera cartoons from the late 1970's and early 1980's that had guest appearances of the Shmoo. Maybe it was on Scooby Doo or another show like the Laff-Olympics.

The old Shmoo was lovable and generous, but also hated by others because of his kind nature. What an awful political and cultural observation by Capp that if someone so good-hearted and giving comes along, there are those who want to spoil everything and hate it.

Book-a-Minute

This isn't a new site, but I always get a chuckle out of it:

http://www.rinkworks.com/bookaminute/classics.shtml

http://www.rinkworks.com/bookaminute/bedtime.shtml

Example

Are You My Mother? By P. D. Eastman
Ultra-Condensed by David J. Parker

Little Bird:
Are you my mother?
A Bunch of Animals That Aren't His Mother:
No.
His Mother:
Yes.
THE END

What's on My Desk October 2008

Neighbors: The Destruction of the Jewish Community in Jedwabne, Poland by Jan Gross. Adult Nonfiction. DONE.

Part of the Nextbook Jewish literature series at University of Dayton.

http://www.nextbook.org/

http://www.nextbook.org/ala/index.html

"Until the outbreak of the war," writes Jan Gross, "Jedwabne was a quiet town, and Jewish lives there differed little from those of their fellows elsewhere in Poland." Then, on a summer evening in 1941, just weeks after Germany invaded the Soviet Union, Polish residents took up axes, clubs, and torches and massacred all but seven of the town's 1,600 Jews. The perpetrators, who were brought to trial in 1949, never received official blame for the massacre, which instead went to the Nazis. Piecing together eyewitness testimony and trial records with a deft historical imagination, Gross details the "potent, devilish mixture" that led Poles to turn on their Jewish neighbors. Originally published in Poland in 2000, the book sparked a national controversy and led to a public reconsideration of the Polish role in the Holocaust.

This book is kind of boring. You can read any one chapter of this book at random and get the point of the book. The author says the same thing over and over again in each chapter:

"In this case the Poles killed their neighborhood Jews. It wasn't the Germans and the Germans didn't make them do it. The Poles did it because they hated Jews".

I think there is enough material for a long article, but not an entire book. If this person was writing for a master's thesis or doctoral dissertation I would give him his degree, but it doesn't have enough to say for wide appeal.

Winter Birds by Jamie Turner. Adult Fiction. DONE.

A bitter old woman comes to live with her Christian nephew and niece. Will she soften up under their care?

This was a fairly good book, but a bit long-winded. The ending was satisfactory and believable.

Big Orange Splot by Daniel Pinkwater. Children's Fiction, ages K-3 or for adults who practice civil disobedience as well. DONE.

This is about the 15th time this year I have read this book. See previous blogs.

Greatest Gift: The Courageous Life and Martyrdom of Sister Dorothy Stang by Binka Le Breton. Adult Nonfiction. DONE.

Dayton native. Sister of Notre Dame de Namur. Eco-warrior. Advocate for the Poor.

The world of Amazonian Brazil is in many ways still a wild west that is hard to patrol and justice may be in short supply, especially for the poorest of the poor who are continually trying to eke out an existance.

Excerpts:

page 106:

I don't deny that she was a bit of a Samaritan, but deep down the was more of a prophet. Prophets are those who tell forth the will of God - God's deepest desire. The prophet doesn't have a voice of her own. The prophet is the spokeswoman. She speaks for God. She feels this as her mission, feels called to do this. So when we think of Doroty, this is the starting point...

She turns up in Altamira. Tells me her name is Dorothy Stang, she's and American from Ohio, a sister of Notre Dame de Namur, and she wants to work in the Xingu among the poorest of the poor. Wants to give her life for people living in abject poverty.

pages 166-7:

As far as Dorothy was concerned, the sun rose and set around her people. Anyone who came anywhere near got roped in to help. ..They thought of nothing but cutting the forest. They'd never dream of planting a tree! And this sustainable development project had been dreamed up by INCRA, but they'd never got it to work. It was Dorothy who really pushed for it. She truly thought it could be done. Nature became her gospel, you might say. Loving nature, preserving nature, because nature is life...She never rejected anyone, because she always said there was room for everyone, no matter who they were.

You can read many articles on Dorothy Stang in the Dayton Daily News

http://www.daytondailynews.com/c/content/oh/index/services/archives/index.html

http://www.greenpeace.org/usa/news/remembering-sister-dorothy-sta

http://www.ndnu.edu/dorothystang/

http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/2005/feb/21/guardianobituaries.brazil

Flashing Fire Engines by Tony Mitton and Ant Parker. Children's fiction. Preschool-grade 2. DONE. General reminder to self: A book about a loud fire engine and the sounds it makes is not a good choice for a bedtime story.

Skipping Village by Lois Lenski. Children's Fiction. Grades 3-6.

This is a really old one (1927). I interlibrary loaned it from the Cleveland Public Library. In the back I can see the initials of the persons who checked it out from 1955 to 1984.

I read that it is based on the author's childhood in Anna, Shelby County, Ohio. It is a happy-go-lucky book about a comfortable childhood in the early 20th century. Sure, everyone in the family had to do chores, but overall the family was fairly well off and did not suffer from poverty or disease other than common childhood diseases. This would be good for Laura Ingalls Wilder fans. It also has happy little verses at the beginning and end of each chapter. She put in some of her own line-drawing illustrations, too. Some of these illustrations have been colored on thicker one-sided pages. If you need a daily supply of sunshine, the characters in this book, like Pollyanna and Mary Poppins can give you a boost. I think this book is overlooked, but would fit in to many library collections very well. If a teacher is looking for examples of everyday life in the early 1900's, selections would be good to read.

Summer of Superman Part VIII

Save Superman's house!

http://www.ordinarypeoplechangetheworld.com/

Saving the house where Superman was born
By Brad Meltzer
For the past two years, while researching Jerry Siegel's life for my new novel, I asked my friend Mike San Giacomo to take me to the actual house in Cleveland where Superman was created. I wanted to see the exact spot where young Jerry Siegel sat in his bed on that rainy summer night...where a seventeen(!) year old kid stared at his bedroom ceiling and gave birth to the idea of Superman. And so we went. (You can read that whole adventure here and watch the video here).
But the one thing I quickly realized was that this house was in...well...it was in bad shape. The house where Google was created is saved. The farm where Hewlett Packard was founded is preserved. And Richard Nixon’s house is a museum. But the house where Superman — one of the world’s most recognized heroes — was created? It’s a wreck. It's actually a great old house -- painted bright red and blue (really) -- and owned by one of the kindest elderly couples in the world. But as the neighborhood sank, so did the house. When you walk inside, you feel like your foot might go through the floor. The roof is flawed. The paint is a mess. When you look up at the ceiling, you see the exposed rafters overhead. It's a mess. Worst of all, the city of Cleveland let it happen. As the owner told me, “They won’t even give us a plaque. Not even a plaque to say, ‘This is where Superman was created.’” Exactly.Just heartbreaking.And that’s why Mike and I started calling our friends. He called the city of Glenville. I called my fellow comic book writers and artists. Then I called Jerry Siegel’s wife and daughter, Joanne and Laura, who came on as our honorary chairpeople. One thing became clear: if we don't save this place soon, the house will soon go the way of Superman artist Joe Shuster's, which was torn down. Soon after, thanks to the hard work of many, The Siegel & Shuster Society was born.With a name like that, peole keep asking me, “Is that the secret superhero clubhouse?” You better believe it’s the secret superhero clubhouse.And this charitable 501(c)(3) is dedicated to making sure the Siegel House will be saved, and restored, and there so you can take your kids one day.Will we succeed? That depends on you. Really. You. If we want to repair the exterior, and fix the roof, and clear out the rotted wood, we have to raise the cash. Cleveland won’t pay. The big corporations won’t pay. They’re the ones who ignored it. But like the site says, I believe ordinary people change the world. I believe that we — the true fans — can do what Cleveland and everyone else couldn’t